All your relationships have one thing in common—you. If you are involved in an unhappy relationship with anyone, the one thing you can do something about is you. Your first instinct may be to react against this statement. But take a closer look and you will see that this one thing is empowering, encouraging, and hopeful. It means that you are in control of what you will do next. Here’s what you can do in an unhappy relationship:
In an unhappy relationship, you always have choices. In most cases, you have a choice of whether to be in the relationship or not. If the relationship has consistently caused unhappiness you can choose to close that relationship. If you cannot do this, you can still choose the level of involvement you will put into it. Think about what you want, then take action towards this.
It is common to spend time and energy trying to control or change the other person in an unhappy relationship. This is ineffective and unhealthy. Instead, let your focus be on what you want and what you will do. Free yourself from the responsibility of what the other person thinks/does/says. You are not accountable for what they do. If they lash out at you, or at people around you that is their choice, and you do not need to try to control it or handle it.
Your past may or may not include the person you are in an unhappy relationship with right now. But you may be spending time and energy focusing on what has happened to you, what you have done, and how things did or did not go the way you wanted. This can cause more grief in an already unhappy situation. You cannot change anything that has happened. Leave the past in the past. Focus your thoughts and energy on what you can do today.
Every relationship will have things you cannot reconcile. In an unhappy relationship, these things can become the sole focus of every conversation. Spend as little time as possible on the things that you cannot change. Instead, focus your thoughts, words, and actions on the things that create a good relationship. Prioritize the connection you have with the other person over the irreconcilable.
Internal Empowerment training teaches how to get the things you need and want in your life without taking away anyone else’s ability to meet their needs. It focuses on identifying your needs, setting goals, and making choices that change your life into what you want. Visit Internal Empowerment. Your happy future is waiting for you!
IECAST is a 501 (c)(3), Public Benefit, non-profit organization dedicated to perpetuating productive and mindful individuals, families, and organizations. We bring this vision into reality by developing diverse, internally empowered leaders who use the principles and practices of Choice Theory® as taught through the Internal Empowerment Coaching program. Our goal is to teach individuals, families, and organizations to reframe, reorganize, and reallocate resources to become effective coaches and leaders.